Don't get me wrong, I love it. I wouldn't trade this time with you and your brother for anything.
But here's the thing: my job is 24/7/365. Let's be real: nobody can be their best self all of the time.
So, I do my best for you, but sometimes I screw it up. Sometimes my words are short, my attention is divided, and my patience is spent.
Sometimes I reach a moment of exhausted frustration, and all I can say is, "SERIOUSLY?" Because whatever small annoyance just occurred was just the last little block my tower could balance before toppling over.
I am not proud of it, I do not like it, I'm trying to be better all of the time. I'm trying to be a living model for you and your brother of what it means to be like Christ. And, woah, let's talk about some big sandals to fill.
I'm learning that being a model of Christ like love to you also means being kind to myself. I am trying to let go of the guilt and regret for the moments when I lose my cool. I'm trying to show you how to ask for AND accept forgiveness.
This stuff is hard. So stinkin' hard. But it's worth it. God doesn't call me to be perfect in parenthood, but rather to continually point you back to Him.
I'm so thankful that babies are naturally good at forgiveness, because I certainly need a lot of it!
